when.... i want!!!

when love is dead i want to love an angel..
when hope is gone, i want wings of my own,
when its dark, i want to be black..
when its bright, i want to be the sun..
when its windy, i want to be the cloud..
when the doors are shut, i want to be the key..
when tears are dry,i want to be the eye..
when colour runs, i want to be the paint..
when the picture is blank, i want to be the brush..
when its raining i want to be the window..
when there is a storm i want to be the lightening..
when nothing makes any sense, i want to be the reason..
when there is no sound, i want to be the silence..
when music lays i want to be the lyrics..
when wounds become numb, i want to do it again..
when im feeling dead, i want to feel again..
when i when to kill myself, i want to feel my heart beating..
when the blood drips, i want to be real..
when im alone, i want to be just myself..

want to spread my wings and fly!!!and be diluted in my world...although isolation is not a choice ...yet i somehow enjoy it!!!anywhere i go ...

rubbish!

the weird thing about my life is that there is this constant feeling of being lonely...and everytime im aware of it & that im alone amidst a crowd..i get goosebumps..
and my tummy feels awkwardly..light and funny!!and suddenly i start feeling cold..my heart starts beating fast.. and in that moment i try my best to feel happy and that im enjoying peoples, company..or im enjoying being alone...but...who am i looking for?i cannot understand....i cannot understand why i want to feel so secured.. why cant i be happy with what i have.. maybe if i did then i wouldnt be a human....

i wouldnt need to perhaps make this journey...but anyway.. i guess right now as of right now..im not really going to get the answers, i hav e to wait.. which of course i hate..with my kind of patience level its difficult to attain anything, i cant even keep standing still for even a second..