every little drop of dirt!

Splash! Someone just made the headlines on our Times of Bullshit Gossip.

So yeah, heard the gossip and moved on. Judge? nope would not want to do that. 

I miss the time when things were simple, simple to share a small joke, simple as playing a game, simple when someone cheated (on) you and you would be mad and resolve the issue over a simple "sorry". And then, we grow dirt on us, collect the dirt over the years on our soul. You cant seem to think that you will do the wrongs without your soul being affected by it. Some tend to shed the dirt, but years and years of dirt...scars, unhealed wounds simple don't get washed away now does it?

so then there are these devises - namely :switching off" - the kind you get to see on some shows and hell yeah it does exist in humans :D

So redemption, is not just a matter of few acts. True redemption can be attained when you,

feel for it. Other wise its just a balance sheet of emotions. I don't know if they are anywhere, but the right amount of good and bad is required, other wise how can we be humans.?

There are days when you don't feel like moving out of bed, you feel you cannot breathe, you feel a shot of unreality can drown the pain. You have been there haven't you? You might have silently struggled.Put a huge smile on an carried on with your life as if there is no issue at all. 

Ok! so not everyone can do that but at least you know that you are capable of feeling emotions.

Its a constant battle in order to make your own stand. Maybe you might relate with me or you might not. I have had my fair share of those patches of dirt.
Failed relationships, strained friendships, platonic one way love interest (A.K.A Mr Depp you take my breathe away) and trying to fall in love or not...I have made peace with with myself.

To my past relationships - I have not forgotten or forgiven, My silence is not my weakness. My silence is just my way of letting you know that I don't give a shit...you don't matter to me and certainly you are not part of my life. And I actually feel that way.

To my strained friendships - Dear ones, i'm still trying to pull out the dagger you stabbed on the back. Yeah it hurt but don't worry it matters less everyday.

To my platonic one way love interest maybe in some other life, your heart might just beat for me :)

My failures are my own, and I get to decide who I am - whether I choose to do something about it, sit on it, or simply ignore it - it's left to me. In time if I am the topic of gossip it will simply fade away.

So yeah ... as the rubber meets the road...every little drop of dirt might just wear off after all.

Yes ... Its going to be a good life! 

Who is keeping the score?

So..who is winning?

Politics is everywhere, and Politics is not meant to be a manifestation of shrewd manipulation, of creating emotional damage to individuals.

Being petty is NOT politics. Do you know that governments are formed out of the comman goodwill of the people. It can be a monarchy, a democracy, a oligarchy, etc but point is your leaders will be a reflection of the current society. We need to change, change our thoughts our perceptions, our ideologies, because each passing day... all i see is the bad...the ugliness of humanity. 

I face jealously, insecurities, pettiness, bad behaviour everyday. And you know what just like you I have to deal with them. The thing is that I have developed this weird thing. All of it does not matter any-more. I can flip the switch and not have deal with any emotions. Sounds funny, but true. You can do the same. Its easy. Not to feel anything.

So coming back to the politics..its played from the head and not the heart.

Take decisions based on the collective good and collective bad. 

So next time some one is trying to spoil your game. Stop. Breathe. Think  and put on your game  gear.

You are above pettiness... and do not fall for the trap. 

When you are getting ready ask yourself this... who is keeping the score? Who is winning?

If your answer is "Noone"  then my friend...Its time to move on!

Of This and that...

Of this and that...

Sometimes at work, in between the mundane, the stupidity, the ignorance, the magnanimous, the up and the downs...I just quietly watch...as the whole universe sometimes conspires for or against me. At times I think how trivial all our emotions, our issues, our needs are...how we encompass all of our lives trying to prove...PROVE...yes...and to others. 

We need someone to love us, someone to take care of us, someone to laugh with us, someone to travel with, someone to believe in us, someone to take the blame for us, someone to fall for us, some one to accept us. Year on year all our actions are driven by these needs. We humans are so fragile, yet there is this daunting spirit in us to fight back, to wait, wait for our turn.

All we really need to do is be blank! yes you heard me right. BE BLANK!

Its actually very easy just pause for a moment and think of nothing. Whole day our heads are filled with what ifs and what not's, but's and cant's do's and dont's. We all have a choice. We forget the most important thing GOD gave us - free will. We can chose all of this to not matter any more. I guess this is what all the evolved souls or saints as we know them kept on trying to tell us.
We live in a world of illusion that we create for ourselves. We do not see the entire picture, only fragments of it.

I am not trying to prove anything, just sharing perhaps, it might make you feel a bit better if you realise that you are not alone in this. I might know you or might not irrespective of that all our troubles stems from the same place. 

We keep looking for things that will make us very happy in the process we lose the most important thing - the present...There are so many small things that are liberating, that makes you happy from inside. lets say a walk, or hair cut, a new dress, a song, a book, a documentary, a hobby.

Get up get spontaneous take control of your life. Let petty people be petty...they are blind and trapped in this mechanism. That does not mean you cannot have your way out. Just the reason that you are reading this at this very moment is you choice.

Step up your game. Go get out and get a cup of tea, coffee anything. But do..

Take the choice...of this and of that...



   

At point BLANK!

You know there are these points in life when your existence does not seem to matter in front of social stigma. Well one such point has been the highlight of my transition from 2012 - 2013!

With one door closing a new unknown door opens...and strangely I have jumped into the unknown ... but today i just don't feel like!

I just don't know what is wrong...but there isn't anything to look forward to ... What is the purpose of existing? if i am living my terms on making others happy...how much far can i walk, balancing myself, before i feel i will lose grip over who I am. Yes I rebel...Yes i have strong opinions and yes, there are times people judge me as the weirdo... but you know what I am happy being the weirdo...that's who I am.

I don't care if you judge me, you may have an opinion about me, right or wrong, that wont change me...but dear society you can keep your old fashioned opinions about how I should lead my life to yourself...that's just not your BUSINESS!!

Even though My back is to the wall, I have no idea if I will submit to the pressures, or will I just break off everything and take off... latter is more likely,I might just give up...Just give in...to prove, that you are trying to clip my wings.

This is exhausting!... there I said it out loud... its exhausting being a freaking girl in this country...its a freak show!

"Conversations has run dry"

There comes a point with every relations where too much results in too less - where you have conversations running dry...there is nothing to talk about and yet there are so many things that need to be said...such is the paradox of every relationship. The perfect sky over your head becomes non existing and shredded to bits and you realize that everything has changed.

All of it depends of course on us whether we let that happen or whether we prevent it. I have seen so many people around me, where some see the shredded sky, and some see the sky is blue. It makes me question is it me that who is always believing that someday perhaps I will have my own little perfect sky? I think that would depend on me. Much of the time I think I write to reveal the truth perhaps not the whole truth - maybe that's why I am writing in metaphors constantly. 

This leads me to the next thing : "Trust" whether the one who will read this will get to know me a little bit perhaps, even if I might or might not be close to that person. I was trying to blog something for long and finally had the courage to write today, just coz i felt like it. I was wondering what to write about - the people at work, the people close to me, or write something on the lines of the "Delhi rape case". I realized that none of that matters, what I really wanted to share was a state of mind.

Amidst all the chaos around me, I really felt that I needed to pause and look inside me for sometime. That's when I realized that I am at a point in my life that I wanted to talk myself and for the first time I had nothing to talk to myself about. I felt really amazed that even that could be a possibility! 

Any thoughts?